Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
