Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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