In the future we'll all be gay
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
