how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
