mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
