whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
