Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
