This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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