so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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