I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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