the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
