I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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