My nipple is on Facebook.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
