Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
