The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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