i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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