I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
