tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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