roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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