If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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