i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
