no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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