Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
