Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
