Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
