You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
