Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
