My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
