is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
