i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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