Don't you send me to vm
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
