I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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