Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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