It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
