I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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