I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
