you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
