You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
