i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
