You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
