let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
