Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
