she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
