What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
