Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My penis needs a shock collar
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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