that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
