I'm going to jail i love you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
