I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
