just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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