I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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