i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
