You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
