That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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